Up and down

I've officially reached that point in the preemie experience where the emotional roller-coaster really takes effect. Until this point I've been able to focus on catching up on sleep, resting/healing from giving birth and enjoying not being pregnant anymore and largely distract myself from the fact that my babies are in the hospital being taken care of by someone else.

Now it's been long enough and I feel good enough that the emotions of everything that has happened start to hit. The same thing happened with Caiden so I'm not shocked, but it's tough to be in this spot. It's harder to get myself to the hospital, harder to deal with nurses and their varying opinions and personalities, harder to leave the hospital, harder to look at the empty nursery while I pump in the middle of the night... just harder.

The boys are both doing great - they've cleared all the criteria except for having enough energy to take every feed by mouth. They will do well for a couple feeds in a row or a whole day, then need a day to rest up. We're trying to be really careful with our expectations but it's easy to feel like they're doing well and could be home in a day or two, only to turn around and watch them struggle or have a nurse tell you not to expect them home until their due date (March 20!)

Some nurses are great and let us do the temperature checks, diaper changes, feedings, etc and some nurses insist on doing it themselves and then hover over you giving tips while you feed. Either way it is still difficult as a mother to know that someone else is taking care of your babies most of the hours of the day and while I'm incredibly grateful for modern technology and know that my babies are getting what they need, it is hard that I can't give them everything they need. It has hit me a couple times how blessed we are to live in the time we do. A couple decades ago three of my kids probably wouldn't have made it due to their prematurity. Now it's just a short hospital stay and their early birth becomes just a distant memory.

We're doing well, the babies are doing well - just ready to get them home!!

Moving on - here's some pictures from today :)

Kellen - seems to be the mellower of the two so far. He has been slow and steady in his progress, typically wears out quicker but really hasn't taken any steps backwards the whole time. He is much jumpier and jolts whenever there's an unexpected noise or movement.

Toben - is a strong, determined little guy. He attacks most bottles ferociously. He made fast advancements in the beginning but has slowed down drastically the last several days. The photo-therapy seems to have really worn him out but thankfully he's done with that so after a day or two of recovery hopefully he'll start plowing forward again.

We can already see slight personality differences between the two, but physically they look very, very much alike. They both have some fuzzy blond hair, their dad's exact hairline (sorry Logan!) and remind me so much of Caiden at that age.

I forgot to mention that after two days in our amazingly huge private room we were moved into a different section of the NICU. We're now in a large room with about 12 babies lining the walls in their cribs/isolettes. Not nearly as nice, but what can you do?!

My mom flew home yesterday to spend time in Colorado helping out my grandparents. She'll be back in a week and we're hoping the boys will be home soon as well!